Again, I don’t have a ton to write about today. Saw Dune last night (self-indulgent, too long, ponderous…and strangely, I liked it). Going to start Survivor today (the greatest show on television). Also finishing Sex Education on Netflix (a show that I absolutely adore for its storytelling and characters, though I am always hesitant to recommend it because, quite frankly, some people are utter prudes and can’t handle nakedness).
So, what shall I write about? Well, let’s play a game. I’m going to pick some pictures from a folder on my computer and I will tell you about them.
Here is me in 1987. I am on the left. Notice the big 80s glasses. During this year, I was the president of our school’s student council. I decided to run for as many political offices as I could that year, all in an attempt to get on as many pages as I could in the yearbook. 1987 was a good year for me, but there was still an element of subversiveness with what I was doing. Notice the way I am sitting. I was trying to encourage my classmates to all sit a certain way for the photo because I thought it would be funny. Clearly, only three of us were cool enough to do it. I was looking forward to causing problems in school, even at that age.
The year is 1992. This is a picture of my refrigerator when I worked at Disney World on their College Program. I lost almost fifty pounds over the course of six months. Part of the reason I lost that weight was because I was constantly walking as a custodian at the park. The other reason was that I couldn’t afford food. The only time that fridge would be full was when it was stocked with Busch beer. Otherwise, I starved.
In 1990, I had my friends surround me in our high school courtyard as I decided to etch my name on the plaque at our school. Sure, I could have just written my name there, but that would have meant that it could have been easily erased. I wanted a permanent marker of my history at Tahlequah High School. So, I went through four pencils in an attempt to ensure that Randall P. Girdner would forever be in the memories of the students who came after me. Soon after, my friends joined me in the process. On the right, you can see where other, lesser-beings tried to etch their names in. They failed because they weren’t as determined as Henry, Michael, Paul, and myself were at creating our legacy. Thirty years later, my name is still there. I’ve probably told you this story a hundred times.
Here is a photo of Bono that I took when I saw U2 at Madison Square Garden in 2015. Bono is really short and I found it very off-putting that he never once looked at the crowd when he performed. This was the closest I had ever been at a rock concert and, quite frankly, I hated it. I am too old to be on my feet for three+ hours. I had always wanted to be up close at a rock concert and once I had accomplished what I wanted, I no longer wanted to do it ever again. I’ll take an actual chair, thank you very much. Side note: After seeing Radiohead in 2018, I’m not sure I ever want to go to a concert again. They’re just not fun.
I used to teach drama and direct shows. In fact, a lot of the people on this newsletter were actually in some of these shows (and might even be in this picture). I love theater and I hate theater. I hate it because the shows are so self-indulgent. Small casts, weird subject matter, etc. I could never find a play that suited the large group of students that wanted to be in shows. So, I decided to write some shows for students to perform. This one was called Who Killed Doctor Diabolical? and it was about an annual convention of super-villains where everyone keeps getting killed. It was a whodunnit. We performed for three nights and each night had a different ending. This one was a fun one and the group of actors up there was just awesome (as were the costumes). The glory of theater is the fact that it is little more than a fleeting moment that will be gone forever after it’s done. If I might point out…she will never read this, but Uma’s costume was one of the greatest things I’ve ever created. She’s the one with the blank face, but the giant eyeball in her hand. I like designing things. Uma’s mom had all the costumes made. Look how glorious that is for a high school production. Where did I ever find the energy to do that AND teach full time?
During our last week in Ghana, I had just taken Tracey and the girls to a birthday party and I was at school, illegally downloading television shows on the best internet connection I could get. Then I received a phone call.
"Hello?”
“Did you know that your house in on fire?”
“Are you kidding me?”
I ran out of the school and looked down the road (we lived across the street from the school). Black, billowing smoke was rolling across the road from my house. I ran home to find that a couple of hundred Ghanaians had formed a line in the yard, and while my house was burning, they removed every single thing from inside and put it on the lawn, while simultaneously putting out the fire. We have been extraordinarily lucky to have had good fortune in our lives and the people that saved our things were a blessing.
We ended up having to spend our last days in Ghana living with the superintendent of the school, who was fired that very week. Needless to say, it was a tense in that house during that time.
There you go. A trip down memory lane. Now that I have your attention, you should go buy my new book, which became available this week. You will never read another book like it.
It’s a travel guide to the Magic Kingdom…but everything in it is untrue. It could very well be the weirdest book you’ll ever read.
Have a great weekend…